I wish I could say that we lived happily ever after in splendid bliss. But what’s a fairytale without a few bad guys?  We pushed on, not going anywhere particular at first. We had some hope of running into Eve, but mostly our goal was to just travel unnoticed. I know this reprieve will be short lived so I enjoy every quiet moment I can.
 

We travel on towards home.  My anxiety and nightmares have not left me, but they have eased. I have never once taken Xena for granted, and I plan on making sure I never do. The fates will always be against us.  One of these times they just might succeed in their goal.
 

We arrive back in Amphipolis, a town that is trying to come back to life after hell broke loose upon it. Sitting on our horses, we look up at what is now Xena’s tavern. It ‘s still run down and falling apart, a shadow of what it used to be. I cringe slightly at the memories from our last visit. We didn’t stay for a reason, but I think Xena wants to honor her mother now by fixing it up.
At least we get to settle, even if it’s but a moment. Maybe the battles will leave us alone for a little while. Sometimes I think about what life would have been like if we hadn’t slept for 25 years. Raising Eve somehow out of the eye of the God’s; visiting Cyrene and having big family dinners. That semblance of normalcy that my parents always so desperately wanted for me. Sometimes what I wouldn’t give to go back and relive that little time we had; raising Eve as if she were my own.
 

The God’s are against us though, and I don’t know why.  Well I do and I don’t.  I mean after the first five attempts to kill and separate us you’d think they’d leave us alone.  But apparently it’s something we have to struggle with in every lifetime.
Xena is silent next to me, apparently lost in her own thoughts as well. Finally she dismounts her horse, taking tentative steps towards the door.
 

‘Are you sure you can do this?’ I ask nearly silently, my words being carried away by the wind.
 

‘I have to.’ Her hand reaches the handle and she slowly pushes it open. Panic wells up inside me, but I quickly push it back down as I dismount my own horse.
 

‘Where do we start?’ This task seems slightly overwhelming. Xena turns looking at me.
 

‘Here.’ She shrugs at me.  As good a place as any.

​

As night comes on we finally take a break. We’ve worked nearly non-stop, and in almost complete silence. We managed to clean the dust and cobwebs from every corner, clear a fireplace or two, and get one room clean enough to sleep in.  I have a rabbit roasting over the spit in the kitchen. It feels like someone is watching me, my only hope is that it’s Cyrene.  She was like a second mother to me, never once questioning Xena’s relationship with me, she embraced us both.
 

Xena is sitting at the table picking through the few things of her mothers that had not been looted. I know exactly how she feels.  I didn’t get to say goodbye to my parents either.  One thing I do have is my sister and niece. Xena has Eve, but she doesn’t have a connection to her past. Except me I guess, I’m not sure I count.  I feel like I should say something to her, but I have no idea what that should be. I walk over behind her, place my hand on her shoulder.  There’s nothing to say but I want her to know I care. She reaches up, grabbing my hand and kissing it and lets out a big sigh.
 

‘I never thought I’d miss her this much.’ Her eyes are focused forward.
 

‘Talk to her. The dead can hear you.’ She sighs again, then gets up and walks out. I know now is a time she wants to be alone.  Leave her to speak to her mother in some way.  The kitchen is still in a bad state; I look around trying to remember what it once looked like. Herbs had hung on the walls, ready for recipes and elixirs. I wonder if we can bring back that happiness and comfort that this place once held.
 

I’m taking the rabbit off the fire when Xena returns.  Her eyes are slightly red from crying.  I never let on that I can tell.  Xena hates weakness, and crying is a weakness.  The fact that she does cry occasionally in front of me, is a testament to her trust in me. I don’t take it lightly.
 

We eat in near silence, the quiet sounds of the town filtering in.  A cold wind is whistling in through every crack and crevice in the walls. Despite the cold feel of this place, it no longer has that evil presence about it. It’s been abandoned, but the love it once had still emanates from its pores.
 

‘She told me she loved you like a daughter.’ Xena breaks the stillness.
 

‘She always made me feel like part of the family.’ Such a polar opposite of my family; my parents  detested Xena and the path she’s led me on. Of course they could never understand that it was my choice, that our paths were the same. They could only see the person she used to be, not the person she had become. She reaches out and clasps my hands.

​

‘She wanted me to give you something.’ Reaching down, she grabs a pouch that is tied to her belt.  She looks at it a moment before sliding it towards me.
 

I have no idea what this could be, or why she would want to give me anything.  I give Xena a hesitant look, but her face is unchanged, she just waits. Taking the pouch in my hand, I slowly pull it open. A thin silver bracelet with an inscription drops out.  I’m confused.
 

‘Her mother gave it to her………on her wedding day.’
 

‘But shouldn’t you have this?’ She shakes her head at me.
 

‘You’re family now.  She would have given it to you herself.’ She averts her eyes. I don’t know what to say.
 

‘Xena does this mean…….’ I feel like I’m going to cry. She looks at me, covering my hands with her own. Now I can’t hold the tears back, they come freely and quickly.
 

‘Our family name is inscribed on it.’ Her eyes point to the bracelet.  We had committed ourselves to each other long ago, promising the same things a husband and wife would. I didn’t think Xena had ever told her mother though, or anyone.  It was just something between us.
 

‘I never needed anything.’ I stutter, pulling my hands from hers and inspecting the bracelet.
 

‘I told her a long time ago. She wanted you to have it then but everything went to Haedes.’ She shakes her head sadly.
 

‘Xena are you sure?’
 

‘She made me promise, it’s yours. You are my family.’ I rush to the other side of the table and grab her in a hug. I never expected this level of acceptance from her mom.  My own family would have disowned me.
 

‘She was a good woman.’ I whisper against her chest.
 

‘Yes she was.’

​

​

​

The lightning flashes and I see her body hanging there.  I fall to my knees, trying not to retch. I could never have prepared myself for this, never.
 

I shoot straight up in the bed, sweating and confused for a moment. My hand reaches out to the side in search of Xena, but the bed is empty. I take a moment to slow my breathing and listen to the sounds around me.  Only the creatures of the night seem to break the silence.
 

Standing up I wrap myself in a fur.  I can’t seem to see Xena in the shadows of the room, she must be elsewhere.  I move slowly out into the hall, all the training Xena has given me making me cautious.  I try to listen, but still I don’t hear anything.
There’s nothing unusual about her disappearing at night.  She sleeps very little and often goes off to find something to bide her time till morning. I creep past each room, checking for any movement within till I reach the landing. I find her as I descend the stairs, sitting next to the fire with a cup in her hand just staring at the flames. I make noise as I walk so she knows it’s me, and rest my hand on her shoulder as I come up behind her.
 

‘Everything ok?’  I ask as she clasps her hand over mine, bringing it to her lips and kissing it.
 

‘Fine, just thinking.’ She sighs but smiles up at me. ‘You have another nightmare?’ She reaches up brushing hair off my forehead.
 

‘Yeah.’  Xena pulls me down to her lap, my head settling on her shoulder. She rests her chin on top of my head as she wraps her arms around me. My fingers play with her hair as I listen to the steady beat of her heart.
 

‘They’ll never go away, but they will become fewer.’ I’m not sure how reassuring that is.
 

‘I know; they’re just so realistic. It’s like I’m there again.’ A small tear races down my cheek but I wipe it away quickly.  She wants to tell me she’s sorry but knows how that is getting on my nerves, so she just hugs me a little tighter. The crackle of the fire and the warmth of her body begin to lull me to sleep again.
 

‘I like it here.’ I mumble, half asleep already. Despite the heavy memories it feels safe here.
 

‘Me too.’ She’s quite.  I can’t tell if she’s telling the truth or not, but have little time to think about it as I fall deeper asleep.

I wake up blinking my eyes several times, trying to remember where I am.  Last thing I remember is being wrapped in Xena’s arms, but now I’m once again in bed under a blanket. I shift around and find Xena still asleep, laying on her stomach next to me. Bringing my fingers up, I brush the hair away from her forehead. The only time I can really look at her is when she’s sleeping. It’ the least guarded moment in her day, though she still manages to keep a few walls up.  I don’t know how she does that. Her face is often unmarred by worry and anger and is just peaceful and calm. I can’t help but stare at her neck expecting to see a long gash or scar there.  It’s not a memory that will easily be shoved away.  I’ll never forget, but I hope to ignore it eventually.
 

‘Stop staring at me.’  Xena doesn’t open her eyes but brings her arm across my waist, pulling me closer.
 

‘I wasn’t staring.’  She mumbles something in response. I roll over her so I’m on her back.
 

‘What have you been eating?’ She mocks me but I ignore her.  I brush the hair away from the back of her neck and capture the skin with my lips.
 

‘You were saying?’  I smile against her neck as she makes a small moan.  I roll back off and give her a kiss on the cheek.
 

‘Hey I was just starting to like that.’ She pretends to pout.
 

‘Xena the Warrior Princess shouldn’t pout.’ I laugh as she narrows her eyes at me. Her arms wrap around me once more and we grow quiet. ‘Xena, you realize that it takes more than one lifetime to atone for all the sins you’ve committed.’
 

‘I know.’ She sighs.
 

‘So sacrificing yourself will not wash your hands clean.’ She sighs again, letting go of me as she gets off the bed.  But she doesn’t say anything as she begins pulling her clothes on.  She’s wearing a simple silk dress that hugs all the right places, and always makes me want to do so many things to her body. I groan at her in exasperation. ‘Xena?’ She finally turns, her eyes have hardened.
 

‘I’ll do what I have to do.’ She pivots on her heal, stalking out of the room in a huff.  She can be so pig headed sometimes, but if she thinks I’ll stop telling her, well then she obviously doesn’t know me very well.
 

I can hear her shoving things around and mumbling to herself. I give her time before I decide to head downstairs, listening for the tantrum to quiet. When I descend the stairs, she’s on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor.  The tile has lost its sheen; it all looks dull and grey. I sit on the bottom step and watch her.  The muscles in her shoulders and back are tense with exertion.
 

‘Sitting there is not helping any.’ She says over her shoulder, not even pausing in her rhythm. I stand up, chuckling a little to myself.
 

‘Where do you want me?’ This causes her pause. I know she can hear the suggestion in my tone, and is considering her options carefully.
 

‘The kitchen.’  She says finally, returning to her duty.
 

‘You’re no fun.’ I slap her butt as I walk by her on my way to the kitchen.