Title: Forgive Me
Author: Justchicky2bme
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Show and characters belong to J.W. and those other people.
Notes: My first ever BtVS fic, and slash fic. I listened to Coldplay ‘Yellow.’ Go easy on me; I know not what I do.
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She strolled along the quiet graveyard, glancing up at the cloud covered sky. A single drop of rain had yet to fall from the void of darkness which seemed to engulf everything around her. No vampires had made any appearances as of yet, and most likely wont be, but she didn’t want to go home. Sitting down on the edge of a stone wall, she sighed. Somehow she knew things should have been different, something was wrong in the direction her life had taken. The hole in her soul seems unbearable, and this waking dream of desperation did nothing to console her uneasiness.
Closing her eyes for a moment she wondered what it would have been like had they never brought her back. But now she was back, back to the way things were, feeling again. She pulled her hair back in a ponytail, a few wisps played against her face. The wind kicked up out of nowhere causing leaves to dance up into the air. The nerves in her body tingled with a familiar sense. She jumped up and turned around. Faith stood there, almost statuesque. Her dark hair blowing in front of her, her eyes seemed to glow with something unearthly.
‘Hey B, aren’t you glad to see me?’ Her usual smirk plastered on her face.
​
‘What are you doing here Faith?’ Her eyes narrowed as Faith moved a few steps closer. ‘What do you want?’ The wind died down as fast as it had come.
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‘I just thought I’d come see how everyone’s favorite slayer was doing.’ They moved a few steps closer.
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‘What do you want Faith?’ Buffy asked incredulously. Faith thought a moment, the smirk melting from her face.
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‘I know what I did was wrong.’
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‘I can’t forgive you for what you did.’
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‘And I can’t forgive you for what you did.’ Faith’s eyes narrowed and she moved a little closer.
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‘I guess that makes us even.’ Buffy’s face never changed, but confusion momentarily rippled across Faith’s features.
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‘I have to tell you something.’ Faith said quietly staring into Buffy’s eyes a moment before averting them altogether. ‘I heard about what happened.’ She said quietly seemingly debating with herself. ‘When….. when you died it felt……it felt like a part of me died too. Not just because of the slayer thing, but…….because I realized I needed you. And then when I heard you were back, I was so happy and…………’ She trailed off, acting very unlike Faith, being emotional, truthful. Buffy’s features softened. Faith looked up.
​
‘I wanted to come back here and, I hoped maybe……..shit.’ Buffy didn’t know what to say. Tears stung at her eyes, and she felt one roll down her cheek. Faith’s hand came up to Buffy’s face, but she grabbed it by the wrist stopping the movement. They stared into each others eyes. Faith’s thumb wiped away the trail the tear had left on Buffy’s face.
​
They searched each others eyes, unmoving in a moment that seemed to be frozen in time. Lighting scratched across the sky, and the clouds opened up, drowning the two slayers. Buffy let go of Faith’s hand and it slowly fell back to Faith’s side. A myriad of emotions played inside of her. She could see that Faith was telling the truth, maybe she had changed. The revelation hit her square in the heart and toyed with her thoughts.
‘What am I supposed to say?’ Faith looked genuinely hurt by this response, and her face hardened.
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‘You don’t change do you B?’ She glared at the other slayer. ‘Fuck this.’ She growled and turned.
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‘Wait.’ Buffy called out softly. Faith turned back around, her eyes glowing. Buffy wondered if she was crying.
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‘What B? Wanna kick my ass now?’ She smirked.
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‘I…… I don’t know what to say.’ Buffy stammered, searching her heart for the right words.
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‘You know, I don’t have time for this.’ The other girl growled.
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‘Faith, I forgave you a long time ago.’ They stared at each other again. ‘I missed you.’ She whispered. Faith moved closer, closing the gap between them. Her eyes looked down at Buffy.
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‘Don’t play with me B.’ Faith’s features had softened.
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‘I’m not.’
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‘You realize what this means?’
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‘What?’ Buffy questioned.
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‘You need me too.’ The rain falling down upon them seemed to be washing away their past sins, letting the pain and anger wash away as well. Their faces became inches away from each other. They had begun to shiver from the cold, water streaming from their bodies. Faith looked into Buffy’s eyes and searched her face, then she leaned forward and lightly brushed her lips against the stunned Buffy’s. Faith gauged the reaction then leaned forward for a deeper kiss.
​
Buffy’s confusion drifted away as she was caught up in the kiss, leaning in to it herself. Faith’s hands came up and she placed them on either side of her head, pulling her closer. She hadn’t realized her feelings for Faith until she didn’t stop the kiss. Buffy soon grabbed both sides of Faith’s head as well, wanting her closer. At that moment she felt the hole in her soul fill up.
The silence was deafening, surrounding them and wrapping them. Could there really be any words for them to say? Buffy contemplated her actions. She can’t really be doing this, this can’t be real. Maybe she died again or something. This is probably a bad, bad idea. ‘Stupid Buffy, what have you gotten yourself into.’ She berated herself, then automatically praised God that this was happening. The rain paused for a moment and Buffy looked up at a hole in the clouds, a handful of stars sparkled like diamonds.
They walked along the street like shadows, unnoticed by anyone, drifting in their own thoughts, and the words that had been spoken. Faith felt a need to run and get away from this situation she’d put herself in. But she was drawn to Buffy by some unknown force and couldn’t run this time. Casting a sidelong glance toward the other girl, she could tell that Buffy was obviously shaking from the cold rain. She wanted at that moment to wrap her arms around her and hold her close. Faith forced her eyes forward, watching as Buffy’s house loomed ahead. Shit, what was she about to get herself into?
​
Buffy wondered what she was going to tell the others. How was she supposed to tell them that not only was Faith back, but she loved her as well. Maybe she’d better wait till morning. Without hesitating, she unlocked the front door, walked in pulling Faith by the wrist along with her, and walked straight up stairs. She pulled Faith into her room, closed the door, and locked it. After turning the cd player on, she sat on the bed and sighed. Faith sat beside her, a little distance between them.
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‘We’ve got to talk Faith.’
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‘About what B.’
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‘About this.’
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‘And what is this?’
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‘Is this real, or is this another one of your games?’
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‘I’m not playing any games with you. This is real, this is very real.’ Faith was being sincere.
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Did I drive you away?
I know what you'll say,
You say, "Oh, sing one we know,"
But I promise you this,
I'll always look out for you,
That's what I'll do.
‘Please stop if this is revenge.’ Faith lightly touched Buffy’s cheek with the back of her hand.
‘I love you B. I will never hurt you again, I promise you.’ Her voice was quiet as Buffy’s eyes met hers. Faith wanted her so badly it hurt.
​
My heart is yours,
It's you that I hold on to,
That's what I do,
And I know I was wrong,
But I won't let you down,
‘I love you too Faith, it scares me how much I love you and want you.’ Both pairs of eyes glistened with tears, but only Buffy allowed hers to fall. Faith leaned forward kissing each tear as it descended down the slayers cheeks. She cupped Buffy’s face in her hands, and let her lips wander towards the blond slayers. They met slowly, awkward at first, both unsure of their actions. Faith ran her tongue along Buffy’s lips till she opened them a little allowing Faith to enter. Their tongues met in sweet desire, a passion that neither had ever felt ignited somewhere within the depths of their souls.
Lightning flashed and thunder boomed. Faith laid Buffy back on the bed, and hovered over the smaller slayer. Her eyes reflected the same need that Faith felt. She wanted Buffy, all of her, everything that she could squeeze out, but she couldn’t take her, she had be slow, she had to show Buffy she loved her.
‘Wait we cant do this, it isn’t right.’ Buffy pushed Faith away and jumped off the bed. ‘I mean your you and I’m me and were…… and we cant…. but I……..’ Buffy was pacing back and forth before stopping, and sliding to the floor, back against the door. Her eyes seemed to search the floor as her mind raced. Faith sighed and laid back on the bed. The muffled sounds of crying drifted towards Faiths ears. Sitting up she saw Buffy with her face in her hands. She ran her hand through her hair before getting up off the bed. Crouching down in front of the blonde, Faith grabbed Buffy’s face gently in her hands.
‘Don’t cry B.’
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‘Why did you come back? Why did you tell me all this? When did you love me?’ Tears streamed down Buffy’s reddened cheeks. Truthfully Faith didn’t know how to respond.
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‘I came back because I had to see you. I don’t know why, there was just something wrong. Even with all the things I’ve done, and the things you’ve done……….. I had to see you. I had to tell you, take a chance, otherwise I would always be left wondering. I didnt realize I really loved you until I saw you there tonight. You’re so beautiful, and God I just know I need you.’ Faith looked away, ashamed of her confession and obvious weakness. ‘Look, we can take this slow, all I want is to be with you. Unless of course you don’t want this, you don’t want me.’
‘I want this, I want you, but I’m confused. I don’t understand these feelings, I shouldn’t feel this way about you.’ Buffy’s eyes seemed to be pleading with Faith’s.
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‘I know, I understand. I promise, we’ll take this as slow as you need to take it. Ok?’
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Buffy shook her head in agreement. Faith sat down beside her letting the blonde rest her head against her shoulder. She pulled the smaller slayer into her arms, closer to her body. They sat in the darkness, quiet. Faith ran her fingers through Buffy’s hair, every once in awhile kissing the top of her head.
Buffy sighed and felt her troubles drift away as Faith drew her close. She could never have imagined that she could be this sweet and caring, but maybe they had all underestimated Faith. She deserved better than what Buffy could give her, she deserved so much more.
They fell asleep sitting there against the door, Faith holding Buffy as close as she could manage, her head resting on top of the blonde’s. The sun rose upon their faces, casting away the shadows of doubt that may have plagued their thoughts earlier. The new path they chose together may be plagued with problems but they would be able to handle them together. All that they had to deal with for the time being was tell everyone about Faith.
​
Faith sighed and let her head fall back against the door. She had been awake for an hour now, just looking down at Buffy, watching her chest rise and fall with each breath. She knew today she would have to face the gang, stand and be judged. The only thing she hoped was that they didn’t change Buffy’s mind, they wouldn’t accept her, Faith knew that, but as long as Buffy still cared that was all she needed. God, if she did anything right in her life, she had to do this right.
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Wrapping her arms around the smaller slayer, she picked her up and carried her towards the bed. Buffy mumbled a little as Faith laid her down. She kissed her on the forehead and took a deep breath. Faith knew what she had to do; this was her thing, not Buffy’s. With one last glance back, she strode towards the door. She was actually a little scared. They wouldn’t accept her right away, but maybe……… She walked quietly through the hall and down the stairs. Voices drifted from the kitchen, one in particular that she remembered.
“Hey Red, how you doing?’ Faith smiled throwing on her no cares demeanor. Willow looked up in utter horror and hatred.
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“Whe…. Where’s Buffy? What have you done to her?’ The red head glared at Faith. Both Dawn and Tara looked on in confusion.
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‘She’s fine, just upstairs sleeping. Look I wanna talk to you. I didn’t come here fight.’
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‘You better leave now before I….’
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‘I’m not here to fight.’ Faith cut her off. ‘I want to say I’m…… I’m sorry. For everything, I’ve changed. I just want a chance. B is giving me a second chance, and I just hope you can do the same thing.’
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‘Leave now!’ Willow stood up glaring at Faith. Tara placed a hand on the girls arm trying to calm her down. ‘I can never forgive you, and neither can Buffy! You betrayed us, your hurt us.’ Willow growled, eyes glowing with hatred. Faith turned around and picked up her bag she had been carrying.
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‘I just want a second chance.’ Faith said with one last glance back.
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‘The time for second chances is over.’ Willow almost seemed to growl the words. Faith grabbed her bag and walked out the door.
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‘Buffy!’ Willow screamed running for the stairs. Buffy appeared at the top of the stairs.
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‘What? What’s wrong, did something happen?’ She met Willow half way down.
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‘I thought she had killed you or something.’ Willow hugged her.
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‘What? Who?’ Buffy was confused.
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‘Faith, she was here. But I made her leave before I went all magiky on her.’
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‘What!? Wait where’d she go?’ Buffy ran past Willow.
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‘I don’t know.’ Willow said a little confused now. Buffy ran out of the house looking up and down the street. Then she spotted her and took off in a sprint.
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‘Faith!’ The blond yelled out sprinting for her. She reached out and grabbed Faith’s arm, turning her around. ‘Faith stop.’
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‘It’s better if I just go stay somewhere else.’
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‘No, I wont let you. We just have to give her time.’ Buffy pleaded with her eyes. Faith’s hand reached up and touched the side of Buffy’s face.
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‘I’m afraid.’ She said quietly. ‘I’m afraid they’re gonna change your mind.’ The blond still could not get used to this real, feeling, truthful side of the dark slayer.
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‘They won’t I promise.’ Faith leaned forward and kissed her lips softly.
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‘I’ve done everything to change. Jail aint no walk in the park, even for a slayer. But I have changed and I want a chance.’ Faiths forehead was resting against Buffy’s.
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‘We just have to give it time Faith. But we have to go back. You cant walk away from this. Are you ready?’ Faith leaned in and kissed Buffy harder than before, then she smiled.
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‘Five by five.’ They both grinned as Buffy took Faith’s hand and started walking back to the house.
How many times in your life can you love? Or how many times can you fall in love? I loved Angel, that was real love it had to have been. Now, or maybe always, I love Faith. Is that really possible? It has to be, to find love twice as I have. But I never truly expected to feel what I feel for her. I mean it’s so very different, so very new and exciting. How long can this truly last though, I mean it’s Faith. Even if she has changed she may still hurt me one day down the road, resort to her old behavior. With all my misgivings I still want to be with her. Maybe even if this last for moments, those moments will be the happiest of my life.
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This is all weird and strange and scary and exciting and….. and so many things that I have never felt all at once before. Ooops, better pay attention to the fries. I hate fries, don’t think I can ever eat them again, uggh. Wonder how Faith will react when she smells me. Ok, this is so weird, I love a girl, and not just any girl, a girl who tried to kill me and my friends. The life of Buffy Summers is never boring.
Yet another cloudy night and no vamps to be seen, again. This is yet another boring night, well last night was far from boring. One night has changed my life yet again. Might as well head home. Wonder if Faith will still be there? Will I go on this way, wondering if she’s going to be there every night or day waiting for her to just leave without out a second glance. I want to trust her whole heartedly, but no matter how much I’m willing to give her a second chance, I cant forget the past, at least not right now. Will the past be the thing that tears our future apart? I have seriously done way too much thinking the past 24 hours.
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Walking in the door Buffy could tell something was wrong, she felt it in the air. She made her way towards the kitchen, and could see Faith standing by the entrance.
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‘Hey Faith………’ She trailed off as she came closer and saw what was going on. Willow, Tara, and Dawn were all standing by the door. Both Tara’s and Willows eyes were glowing.
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‘Shit Red’s gone crazy.’ Faith said quietly.
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‘Will what’s going on?’ Buffy started to walk forward, but Willow threw her hand out and Buffy was thrust backward.
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‘This is for your own good Buffy.’ Willow glared down at her as Buffy tried to stand back up.
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‘Tara, Dawn whats going on?’ They all glared back.
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‘You don’t know what you are doing.’ Tara said.
‘This is for your own good.’
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‘B you ok?’ Faith whispered, still not moving from her spot.
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‘Fine. Something’s not right here.’
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‘Really, what gave you that idea.’
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‘Come on Willow be rational.’
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‘Yeah listen to your friend.’ Faith put in.
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‘This is for your own good.’ Willow said.
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‘Yeah you said that already.’ Faith smirked.
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‘You have to die now.’
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‘Ok you didn’t say that part before.’ Faith looked over at Buffy. ‘I’m thinking leaving is sounding good right about now.’ Buffy grabbed her arm.
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‘Willow, this isn’t a good idea.’ She started backing up and pulling Faith with her. ‘You have to think about what you’re doing.’ Tara’s head jerked a few times, and her eyes fluttered. The three girls moved slowly forward, advancing on the retreating slayers. Again Tara’s head jerked, this time the girl bent forward grabbing her head. ‘Willow you’ve got to stop.’ Faith was slowly backing up with Buffy.
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‘I know you said it was gonna be hard, but I didn’t think it would be this bad.’ Buffy ignored Faith’s comments. Her eyes moving from Willow to Tara who was bent over clutching her head.
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‘Will please listen to me.’ Buffy begged.
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‘Yeah listen to her Red.’
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‘Silence!’ Willows hand shot out and Faith was sent flying back against the wall. Buffy ran back to help her.
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‘Run.’ Tara’s voice made Buffy look up. ‘Run.’ Tara was saying quietly. Buffy wasn’t sure what to do.
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‘I think we should run.’ Faith mumbled. Buffy looked back down at her and pulled her up to her feet. They turned towards the door and running out. Buffy stopped in the doorway looking back. Tara was chanting something, she was stopping Willow and Dawn from moving. Faith came back and grabbed her arm pulling her away, and together they ran off into the night.
They had been running to nowhere in particular when Buffy started to slow then eventually just stopped and stood still. Faith realized Buffy wasn’t next to her and stopped and turned around.
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‘What are you doing B?’ Buffy was standing there staring off into space, thinking.
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‘There’s something wrong going on. Willow wouldn’t do that. And Dawn and Tara……’ She looked Faith in the eyes.
‘Something’s not right here.’
‘No shit.’ Faith walked back to the other slayer.
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‘We can’t leave, we have to figure out what’s going on.’ Buffy looked into Faith’s eyes. ‘Dawn wouldn’t do this.’
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‘Maybe we should lay low for a few days. Try and figure out what’s freaking everyone out.’ Faith wanted to reassure Buffy that everything was going to be ok, but she didn’t know. ‘We’ll figure this out together, ok?’
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‘Xander?’ The blond was looking past Faith, who turned around.
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‘Well look who’s here. I’m not surprised. So what, you wanna kill me now or something?’ Xander was walking slowly towards them, an ax in his hand.
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‘It’s time for you to die Buffy.’ He said matter of factly.
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‘I know we’re not going to fight any of your friends, so let’s get out of here before some more of them decide they want to kill us.’ Faith took off running. Buffy stood there a moment longer before running after the other slayer. She went sprinting after Faith, following her across yards, down the streets and through the woods. She had no idea where Faith intended on going, but there seemed nothing else she could think of doing.
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Buffy suddenly went flying as she tripped over an exposed root. She landed face first into the ground with a thud and a grunt. Looking up the blonde wiped blood from her forehead and realized she had lost the darker slayer. With a sigh she stood up wiping the dirt from her hands, then her slayer senses tingled. Four vamps walked out from the darkness of the trees, surrounding her. They all grinned bearing their teeth.
‘Prepare to die.’ One to her left growled.
‘I’m really not in the mood for this.’ She sighed grabbing for her stake and threw a round house kick at one advancing behind her, causing him to fall back against a tree. The other three simultaneously jumped on her pushing her down to the ground. Using all of her strength she pushed them all off of her and punched one that had an afro. Standing in her fighting stance she watched as all four moved towards her again. One launched himself at her, her foot flew up catching him in the stomach, then she threw an uppercut at another one. That’s when Faith decided to show up taking on the last two vamps. After a short while they all had been staked.
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‘You ok B?’ Faith said reaching over and wiping the blood from the smaller slayers lip. Her thumb traced across her lip slowly.
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‘I’m fine, where were you?’ Buffy turned and started walking away.
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‘Hey I thought you were with me and then you weren’t. So I turned around to come and find you.’ She walked in step beside Buffy. ‘And I did.’
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‘Where are we going?’
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‘I’m thinking a motel somewhere outside of town. You know one of those truck stops.’
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‘Oh how nice. Sounds comfy.’
‘Hey I don’t think we have a choice.’ Looking over she could see that Buffy was cold. Taking her jacket off she put it on her shoulders.
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‘Thanks.’ The smaller slayer said quietly crossing her arms in front of her. Faith wrapped an arm around her shoulders pulling her closer. They walked on silently through the woods, through the town and down to the nearest cheap motel they came across. It took them a few hours and was nearly morning when they checked into the motel. They got to their room and laid down on the bed in each others arms and quickly fell asleep.
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****************
Slowly Buffy opened her eyes. She could see dust floating through the light streaming in through the curtains. It had to be at least the afternoon. Rolling over on her back she noticed Faith was laying there, head propped up on her elbow. A smile was plastered on her lips. Buffy wondered how long the girl had been awake.
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‘What are………’ She was stopped by Faiths lips on her own. Faith moved slowly over her and when their lips parted for air, she looked at the blonds eyes with love and lust. Again the darker slayers lips met with Buffy’s and a soft kiss that seemed to grow with passion each second. Buffy’s hands traveled up under Faith’s shirt, across her back, pulling her against the blond. One of Faiths hands ran through Buffy’s hair as they kissed hungrily. They broke again from the kiss.
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‘Are you ready?’ Faith whispered in her ear. Buffy looked at her a moment, it was hard to think.
​
‘Yes.’
There were reasons once for her to hate this girl. They were justified, no one could really blame her for hating this girl………once, awhile ago, days ago. But then this girl stood before her and the hate inside slowly melted away when she looked into this girls eyes.
Kiss you
Touch you
Let you know
My lovin' will never be a disappearing act
It's forever
'Cause I'm the one
That'll never ever take you for granted
I'm the one
If you ever have a doubt
Just
Remember
I Love you
Remember
So damn fine
Remember
It's all mine
​
This girl had hurt her and she had hurt this girl. But looking into her eyes made everything so clear, so simple, made her want to do anything just so she could stand next to her. Maybe somehow its not logical, but this girl had a hold on her, had cast a spell. Every thought eventually led to this girl. How can this girl do so much without doing anything at all?
​
Remember
I Love you
Remember
You're so damn fine
Remember
It's all mine
It's all mine ​
Lay your body down
On the bed
Let me rub your back
Anywhere
That you need me to
Did I tell you
That the first time i saw you
I knew I'd fall in Love
With you
Your Kiss
Those eyes
Your smile
All the other
Wow
I understand
But if you ever have a doubt
Maybe its destiny, maybe its just another day, another battle, another person to love and leave. Whatever this may be, however long this may last, second, days, months, a lifetime, this is something she wasn’t going to give up easily. This girls soft hair running through her fingers, and this girls soft lips and sweet voice, and this girls soft skin, and this girls soft eyes are perfect in every way. Every scar and imperfection are perfect.
​
Remember
I love you
Remember
You're so damn fine
Remember
It's all mine
All mine, baby ​
Remember
I love you
Remember
You're so, so fine
Remember
You're all mine
Just remember
I love you
Remember
So damn fine
Remember
All mine
All mine
Remember
I love you
Remember
So, damn, fine
Remember
All mine
All mine
​
And if she dies, this girl would be her heaven, is her heaven, even if for just a moment, a blink of the eye. Deep down she knew this girl was meant for her.
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‘I love you.’ The words whispered softly against the others ear, hot breath soft against her skin. ‘You’re so beautiful.’ Deep sincerity and love in every word. She didn’t think she could ever be able to speak these words and truly mean them they way she does now.
​
You, make me feel
Just for me
And you make me feel like
You believe in me
You make me feel like
You make me feel like
The sun shines just for me
You make me feel like
That you truly see me
You make me feel​
Remember
I Love you
Remember
So damn fine
Remember
All mine
All mine
​
Faiths lips felt so soft against her skin, and her tongue moving down her neck. Buffy wanted more, she need to feel Faith against her. Feelings had been evoked that she’d never felt before she was so in love, so happy about this moment, and she wanted to cry. Faiths hands, slightly rough, moved up under her shirt. And Buffy had one thought, she wanted to melt into this girl, to be with her, in her and part of her forever.
​
Remember
I Love you
Remember
So, damn, fine
Remember
All mine
All mine ​
Remember
I Love you
Remember
So, damn fine
Remember
All mine
All mine.