When you feel what you feel

Oh, how hard for me to understand

So many things have happened before this love affair began

 

But when you feel, oh, like I feel

Confusion can give way to doubt

And there are times when I fall short of what I say,

what I say I'm all about, all about

Aaliyah – At Your Best 

 

 

Buffy stood there a moment, her mind racing with renewed hope after her little chat with the First. They could do this, they could win, they can win. She looked at the clock on her night table, it was 4 am. She’d wait before waking everyone up to get her plan underway. Her eyes drifted towards Faith’s body sprawled on her stomach, the thin sheet only covering the bottom half of the beautiful young slayer.

 

So much had happened, so much to take in all at once. There’s nothing like the world crashing in around you. She walked over to the bed and lay down next to Faith, propping herself on one elbow. Her fingers tracing circles on Faith’s back, and the girl stirred a little.

 

 

B POV

*****************************

 

Her skin feels so soft and smooth against my finger tips. I know now what Willow sees in girls. Faith is so different from anyone I’ve ever been with. I think I tried real hard to forget her after she went to prison; actually I managed to for awhile. I can’t think about that now. I just want what’s here right now in front of me. The future is uncertain and I just want to hold her, pretend like we’ll be able to spend the rest of our lives doing just this.

 

She stirs a little and turns her head to face me. Her eyes are closed but she’s grinning at me.

 

‘Like what you see?’ Faith never changes does she? All I can do is grin back at her. You know if it wasn’t for the whole apocalypse big bad thing I might be feeling a little awkward. With all of our history and everything it would have taken time for me to adjust to this new thing, this new Faith. Well not exactly new just not psycho Faith who’s also a little more mature. Right now though I don’t have time to think about it.

 

She rolls over to her back, eyes open staring at the ceiling. ‘You don’t regret this do you?’ You know I’ve always heard that people who act tough like they don’t need anyone, really are just insecure and afraid. I think I’m starting to believe this.

 

‘No, never in a million years.’ I lay my head down on her stomach and can hear her heart beating. She begins to run her fingers through my hair, and I trace circles around her belly button. Definitely not waking anyone up soon.

 

‘Good cus I sure as hell don’t.’

 

‘I didn’t even……. really do anything.’ My breath hits her stomach causing goose bumps to form. I really don’t know how to have sex with a woman; I mean it’s really different. Not a bad different mind you.

 

‘Shit B, just the fact that I had you naked writhing under me was enough to get me off.’ I can’t help but blush, did she just say that? ‘Besides you can learn, I mean hey, you’ve got a wicked awesome teacher.’ Well who can argue with that?

 

‘Practice is always good.’ I mumble against her skin. ‘Lot’s and lots of practice.’ Her fingers trail down my spine and shivers erupt throughout my body. God why does the apocalypse have to happen now? Well, no apocalypse no Faith and no Kennedy and Willow together and well, I can’t decide which is better.

 

I watch my fingers move from her stomach to her thigh, just barely touching her skin. She draws in a sharp breath as they trace across her inner thigh and her legs spread apart more. I shove my fears and doubts and questions to the farthest point of my mind. I wish we had more time, but we don’t. I want to know every inch of her. I’m not sure why it’s just something I need to do. I can’t right now we only have this moment.

 

Moving forward I begin to kiss her thigh lightly where my fingers had trailed.

She’s breathing faster and I move myself so that now I’m kneeling between her legs facing her. I’m still kissing and licking up and down her thighs, but I can see her now. Her head is thrown back and her body is arched up a little. I watch as one of her hands slides up her body and she grabs one of her breasts. I wish we could do this so much slower.

 

I lean forward and kiss my way up her stomach and push her hand away as I reach her chest. Propping myself over her, I look down into her eyes. For this split second, I can see the two of us together many years from now. We’re happy and as strong as ever and we have our own little family. I wonder what makes me see this. I know I can’t give up, not now not ever.

 

I get down on my elbows so my body is against hers, my head buried in her neck. I can feel her heat radiating through me warming me up. Her arms slowly wrap around me pulling me tighter against her body. Her skin feels so good against mine. Right now I don’t feel so lost anymore, not so out of place. Right now I’m not missing heaven.

 

My tongue traces over her pulse point before my lips encircle it and I suck it lightly. She groans and one hand tangles in my hair. My tongue slides up her neck to her ear and it traces around all the grooves. She’s groaning more, one hand sliding across my body. I kiss up along her jaw line and finally reach her lips, kissing her bottom lip lightly, then her top. My tongue slides across her lips before she parts them and lets me enter so I can explore and taste all that is her. Heat is growing down in the pit of my stomach, spreading and my body is tingling from her touch. I’m trying desperately not to let this turn into a frenzy like before, even though she was the only one who was doing all the frenzying. I’m not sure that’s a word.

 

She groans into my mouth causing my thoughts to melt away. My thigh moves against her lightly, her wetness spreading across it. I kiss my way down her neck, sliding my body down slightly till I’m at her breasts. God she’s beautiful and I don’t know what to do. Well I know what I want to do I just don’t know if I can do it right. I mean hello, I’ve never been with a girl before, and it’s not exactly like I do this to myself, well not this part.

 

Tilting my head up I look at her and she just grins at me. I look back down to her breast and decide to just jump in. I kiss all over her breast, gradually making my way to her nipple that is standing erect. My tongue flicks across it first, and I feel a little awkward. Her hand pushes me head more into her breast, forcing my lips to her nipple. I take her nipple in my mouth and suck lightly. She groans and her body arches into me, so I suck a little harder. She groans out my name and I find myself needing some relief. I straddle one of her thighs, my mouth never leaving its position. Her hand grabs my hair tightly as I take her nipple between my teeth and roll it around with my tongue.

 

‘Fuck….. B God.’ Groaning as her body arches and her thigh pushes into me. A moan escapes my lips and vibrates around her nipple, she continues to groan. This isn’t enough I want to feel all of her. I trail one of my hands down her stomach and across her curls. My fingers dips down into the wetness and up across her clit. I’m not really sure what I should do but I’m sure she’ll tell me if it’s wrong. Her hips buck into my hand as my fingers trace across her clit again.

 

I move my mouth to her other nipple and give it equal attention. One of Faith’s hands moves down my back and she grabs my butt, pulling me against her harder as her thigh moves up against me. I groan against her as my body starts to get a rhythm. My lips move up to her neck and clasp onto her pulse point once again. I’m moving against her thigh slowly, our breasts rubbing against each others.

 

‘God…… please.’ She groans as her hips buck up again from my fingers circling her clit. They dip back down into her wetness and I hesitate a moment before slowly moving one in. ‘More….more.’ I move a second finger in as her hips arch up to meet them. I start to move my fingers in and out in rhythm with my body. I move a little faster.

 

‘I…. love..you.’ I whisper to her with each thrust as she groans my name over and over.

 

‘Harder.’ She groans, so I move my fingers harder and faster. She feels so good, I can feel she’s almost there and so am I. My thumb hits her clit and my fingers move faster and harder. She screams out my name and clutches to me a moment before she goes tense. I continue to move against her thigh until my climax rips through me and I collapse on top of her. I’m sure I’m not the best she’s ever had, but I’m hoping I don’t need to be.

 

My eyes open after awhile; I think I fell back asleep. I’m only half on top of her now; her arms are wrapped around me. This position feels so comfortable so I snuggle deeper into her, my eyes close again.

 

‘I think you woke everyone up B.’ I hear Faith say, chuckling against the top of my head.

 

‘Hmmm?’ She smells so good.

 

‘You screamed kinda loud there.’ My head jerks up, I don’t remember screaming.

 

‘What?’

 

‘Yeah B, my little screamer.’ She grins at me, my mouth just hangs open slightly. Now how am I going to explain this. ‘Don’t worry I’m sure no one gives a shit right now.’ I bury my head in her neck and suppress a groan of frustration. I’m hoping she’s right.

 

‘What time is it?’

 

‘Almost 6.’ Faith pulls the blanket up around us and pulls me closer.

 

‘We’ve got to get up soon.’ I mumble. ‘Business to take care of, you know save the world and everything.’

 

‘Yeah baby I know.’ She whispers.

 

‘How about an hour?’

 

‘Sounds good to me B.’ I think we’re both falling asleep.

 

‘Ok.’ I wrap a leg around hers and pull myself as close to her as possible, which isn’t that much closer. In a few hours the world will change for everyone here and elsewhere, but especially here. Right now for me the world has already taken a turn for the better.

 

No one said it would be easy

No one said it would be so hard

Coldplay- the scientist

 

TBC in Rise From The Ashes