She sits there and I can feel her staring at me, but I can’t look up. If I looked into her eyes I might lose it and just throw myself at her. The club is vibrating and pounding with the music and people. The whole gang is here tonight, one last hurrah before our final showdown. I figured they deserved it, not to mention she was the one who suggested it and I wasn’t up for arguing with her cus I might just throw myself at her.

 

I’ve thought about that a lot lately, throwing myself at her, and well other things too. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be with a girl, you know, why does Willow find it so much better? But more, I wonder wit wit would be like to be with Faith. The song changes and I’m sitting all alone now. I’m not really up for dancing, too much on my mind. Willow and Kennedy look so cute together right now out there dancing together, so happy.

 

I’ve lost track of Faith, I suppose she had to go get her some hot body to grind against, you know how she is. A rose suddenly appears in front of my face. I follow the hand holding it and look up to find Faith standing there, this completely serious expression on her face. I’m at a loss as to what to do.

 

‘Here B.’ She says quietly and slowly I grab it, looking at the flower almost transfixed. Faith sits down next to me, right up against me but doesn’t say anything. She places a beer on the table for me and takes a swig from the bottle she holds. The song changes again and some of the girls come back. It’s slow and they don’t have a partner so apparently they decided to sit the song out. They chat away asking me something but I don’t quite hear them so they get annoyed and leave.

 

::Baby

Ooo baby

baby,baby

ooo um baby

oh baby

 

[1st Verse (Natalie Talking)]

We need to um talk about where

We're taking this thing.

How far we're gonna let this go.

We've been here before.

Its getting late.::

 

Finally I’m able to speak and look up at the brunette sitting next to me. The lights flash across her face, and for a moment it’s like I’m seeing her for the first time. She’s so beautiful, of course I always knew she was hot but, something’s different this time.

​

‘What’s this for?’ I ask, she doesn’t look at me, just stares out at the dance floor, but she’s leaning in pretty close.

​

‘Cus I love you.’ She says this so simply, as if it’s nothing, but I know it’s hard for her or she wouldn’t be avoiding eye contact.

 

:: (Marsha Singing)

It's getting late.

Why you gotta be here?

Beside me.

Watching, needing, wanting me.

I'm afraid, (Don't Be)

I'm afraid, (Don't Be)

I'm so scared that you'll hurt me, twice.

Baby, oh baby baby baby::

 

I never expected a rose from her, she doesn’t seem the type that would do that. It surprises me that I love this gesture so much. I’m not used to getting flowers, but the fact that she gave it to me…………. I don’t know what to say. Still, I can’t forget what I told her. I’m so afraid to love her, because I’m afraid she’s going to hurt me. Not to mention we have this whole apocalypse thing going on and blah blah blah.

 

Her hand falls to my thigh and I almost gasp at the contact. It feels good, and it’s just her hand resting on my jeans.

​

‘Please Faith I ……….’ She turns and looks at me and our eyes meet for the first time.

 

::[ (Natalie Talking)]

Listen, I've already been thinking about you on my mind.

Far too often for you,

To be here at this time

You see, one hands on nine and the other's on my thigh.

Look,I already played with the idea of you

Being here in the room

And the position for the crack of dawn

And the conversation before the yawning

But aah, it's getting late.::

 

I can see so much in her eyes, I never noticed it before, or maybe she just hid it well. Pain is the most emotion evident at the moment.

​

‘I just want you to answer one question truthfully alright B. No bull shit jus the truth.’

​

‘Ok.’ I’m a little afraid of the question. She takes a deep breath and leans in a little closer.

​

‘Do you love me?’ I stop breathing, a part of me wants to scream yes and grab her and kiss her and another part of me wants to keep my mouth shut. She looks away as I struggle internally, my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water as I struggle to speak.

 

::[ (Marsha Singing)]

It's getting late.

Why you gotta be here?

Beside me.

Watching, needing, wanting me.

But I'm afraid, (you say) don't be.

But I'm afraid, (you say) don't be.

I'm so scared that you'll hurt me twice.

Oh Baby baby baby::

 

I can tell she’s hurt, but soon she’s erected those walls of hers and her face is almost unreadable. But I can tell, I can tell she wants to cry. That makes me want to cry because I really don’t want to hurt her.

 

‘Faith.’ I manage weakly.

​

‘Look it’s fine, you don’t have to say anything. I can understand why you wouldn’t love me, why you wouldn’t even want me.’ There’s anger in her voice. I touch her arm.

​

‘I do love you.’ I whisper ignoring the part of me that wants to keep quiet and pretend none of this happened. She looks at me with a mixture of confusion and hope.

 

::[ (Natalie Talking)]

How's about I let you touch the space.

That you left behind,

The day that you stop smiling

The day that the tears started falling

But now were talking, touching

Almost making sensual again

We can taste the familiar,

Cause, the family hour supports it.

Of this moment,but was led he mhe movements cause ah

It's getting late.::

 

I realize how we are the same, both strong and weak at the same time, though too different extents.

‘Look Faith I don’t know how you can expect me to just… just forget everything that has ever happened, with one note. You can’t expect me to pretend like you never hurt me.’

​

‘I know B and I’ve tried to change, and I’ll spend forever making up for all the shit I put you through. I’m just asking for a chance.’

 

::[(Marsha Singing)]

It's getting late.

Why you gotta be here?

Beside me.

Watching, needing, wanting me.

But I'm afraid, (you say) don't be.

But I'm afraid, (you say) don't be.

I'm so scared that you'll hurt me twice.

Oh Baby baby baby

Oh baby twice baby baby.::

 

I look into her eyes, she’s being so open and truthful right now, not her usual bad ass attitude. And God I love her, but I don’t know if I should. I reach up and touch her cheek lightly, she leans into the touch a little, her eyes never leaving mine.

​

‘I can’t take being hurt anymore, especially not now.’

​

‘I don’t want to hurt you, I swear.’ I reach up and touch her other cheek, her face between my hands.

​

‘I want to believe you.’ She leans forward and her forehead rest on mine, my hands fall down to her shoulders.

​

‘Give me a chance.’ Each second it’s getting harder and harder not to believe her. I close my eyes and try to slow my breathing down and calm myself. Then I feel her lips brush softly against mine. She places little kisses along my lips and my heart starts beating faster and faster. ‘Please.’ She whispers.

​

‘Ok.’ I give in because I feel if I don’t I might just die right here right now without her.

 

::[ (Natalie Talking)]

I see the memories we replayed

Same space face bodies

I know there's a method to your manliness

but ah I'm a afraid

 

[ (Marsha Singing)]

It's getting late.

Why you gotta be here?

Beside me.

Watching, needing, wanting me.

But I'm afraid, you say don't be.

But I'm afraid, and you say don't be.

I'm afraid that you'll hurt me baby, baby twice baby::

 

The gang comes looking for us and we pull away, I look at her a moment and she looks at me and smiles a little. It’s time for us to head home, so Xander takes his group of girls and heads off, the rest of us walk back to the house. The girls are all tired and quickly head off to their respected sleeping areas.

​

I walk into my room, not bothering to turn the lights on, and fall onto my bed. I feel so confused about everything. I mean so much has happened in the space of what, two nights. A sigh escapes as I turn over and lay on my back. I’m not sure what exactly I’ve just gotten myself into.